ARE you tired of feeling stuck, stressed ouT or ineffective?
- Do you manage to stay calm and effective at work only to lose it at home with your family?
- Do you find yourself saying things to your partner you wish you could take back?
- Do you promise yourself you'll "keep that vacation feeling going", only to find yourself repeating the same old bad habits a week after returning?
- Do you find yourself enthusiastically starting new routines only to drop them when fatigue or unexpected developments drain your will power?
- Do you have trouble making decisions or staying on task?
- Do your friends avoid communicating with you when you’re anxious because they don’t want to keep going over same things with you, and you asking them what to do doesn’t help you anyway?
you have more company than you realize
Any, all, or none those situations may be apply to you. Maybe you're are just feeling frazzled lately, confused when situations that didn't used to bother you suddenly are. Maybe you’ve always been slightly anxious and now it’s starting to wear on you.
While I don’t know what might bring to therapy (yet), I do know that the National Institute of Mental Health and The Anxiety and Depression Association of America report that anxiety disorders are the most common mental health challenge in the US, affecting 18% of adults in the United States over age 18. A recent story in the New York Times Magazine described the time we're living in as a "new Age of Anxiety".
how stress affects relationships
Despite all that human beings all have in common, each of us has our own unique wiring and set of preferences. There are things that annoy us and things that soothe us. Sometime the things that annoy us soothe another person. You might recharge your batteries being alone while your partner does it being with other people. The two of you might have very different definitions of being on time or of neatness.
When resolving a conflict right away calms one person down but going off on their own calms another, (or you're struggling with any clash of preferences) it can seem like the other person is going against you on purpose. But they’re not. They’re just doing what calms them down and make sense to them. You might get frustrated with them, judge their intentions, think don't care. When any human being is agitated enough, they can't skillfully relate to you until they've calmed themselves down.
That’s why one of the best relationship skills you can ever develop is the ability to calm yourself down, on your own, in a way that's right for you, and let the either person do the same. Then they'll be back, more open and flexible because they aren't feeling judged by you.
stress is everywhere, Stress relief is possible
Stress is excitement that helps you get things done, like running a race or meeting a deadline at work...until there's too much excitement, or too many demands. Stress becomes a problem when you're taxed beyond your ability to cope for too log. I see stress reduction as learning to pace yourself so your energy can work for you the way it's meant to.
Sometimes people come to psychotherapy to ease their suffering, without realizing how much of it comes from trying to control things that can’t be controlled. Attempts at control can keep you from noticing what's really in your power to change. Learning to lower your stress and pace yourself helps you notice the possibilities that are available to you.
There are straight forward, practical stress MAnagement tips that work
Using simple exercises and concepts designed to lessen suffering by increasing awareness, you can become more fully aware and open to your own thoughts, emotions, sensations and experiences. You can develop the ability to accept what comes your way dispassionately. You can learn to face challenges head on.
You can become more able to change, make good choices and handle difficulties effectively, using safe, effective mind-body practices. These practices can help free to see opportunities you miss when you dissipate your energy worrying about, avoiding or protesting what life brings you.
What you can expect from working with me
You really can learn to become more calm and effective without getting zoned out, so please don't worry about losing your edge or having some some technique that doesn't suit your temperament imposed on you.
There are many proven ideas and techniques to help people reduce their stress and regulate themselves. The ones that work best are the ones that make the most sense to you, in a given context, that you can actually add to your existing routines. It takes experimenting to find the methods that work for your particular nervous system. You can then systematically build habits that help you become fluent. Then the ability to calm as well as energize yourself are there for you when you need them.
My study of habits and how to form good ones, combined with my commitment to building solutions with you that fit you, means experimenting to find the right solution for you. To quote Ayana Elizabeth “I have a crush on the scientific method".
For those with existing contemplative practices
If you're curious about what this work means to me as a therapist, I have an established practice of Zen Buddhism, mindfulness and yoga, begun while I was grad school. It worked for me, so I stuck with it. Along with the scientific method, it informs my thinking, work and life.
Even IF you're a driven NEw yorker, some of these tools can fit your lifestyle
My clients have found the resources below helpful. You can sample to see what fits you :
- these videos from the Mindfulness Mediation NY Collaborative provide a good overview of the human stress response and how you can create your own relaxation response
- this podcast with Richard Brown PhD. explains the benefits of breathing for stress reduction and healing from trauma
- Find Your Meditation Style from Yoga Journal
- Wildmind describes different types of meditation, including a mindfulness of breathing, lovingkindness, and a walking meditation
- Contemplative Mind in Life links for guided meditation practices
- Headspace provides a variety of meditations, an app and online community
- mindfulness solutions from Dr. Ron Siegel
- Stop, Breathe & Think (iOS and android)
- Mindshift (iOS and android)
- Happify (iOS)
Between now and when we meet
I know there’s a ton of inaccurate and just plain bad information out there. You can access some additional reliable information on this website about relationships, sexuality and stress reduction..
You can read and subscribe to my blogposts about Stress Reduction.
- You can learn everything you need to know about fees, insurance and other logistics of working with me .
- If you still have questions you can email or phone to learn more about working with me. Or, you can go ahead and make an appointment.
Here's some unsolicited feedback about working with me:
I've gained a deep understanding about true communication, how to negotiate conflict and boundaries...how to work on my reactions. I've also gotten into meditation and doing more yoga, I've found them tremendously useful as well. If I don't do meditation for too many days in a row, I'm suddenly more testy, quicker to react, etc. I think it's connected! I'm happy that we've been able to work through everything, and really get to a place of understanding and solid foundation. Thanks for everything you offered me!
HERE ARE SOME OTHER GOOD REASONS TO WORK WITH ME:
- I designed (and keep improving) my practice based on feedback from clients, therapy seekers, and what I would want for myself or someone close to me, which is:
- easy online scheduling that allows you to decide when and how often to come in
- convenient location accessible from most subways (23 St. stop) PATH trains, Penn Station and Port Authority Bus Terminal
- a comfortable, upscale but unpretentious professional environment in a neighborhood (Chelsea/Flatiron) you'll actually enjoy coming to
- I am specifically trained to work with self-regulation, relationships, and sexual concerns of all types.
- I provide a warm, humane, hospitable environment. I will not judge anyone's lifestyle, culture, or identity. I do my best to learn about the wide variety of cultures and practices of the people I serve.
- I am practical, down to earth, committed to results. I study the research on effectiveness in therapy. ] I am not tied to a particular modality or technique. I use solution focused conversations to build solutions with you that fit you.
- While I may suggest existing resources that have proven useful to people in similar situations, what comes from our work together is tailored to your particular situation.